You can't teach old dogs new tricks.

One man, one destiny, one world. He has ventured up mountains high, across rivers wide, through valleys deep. Just to fulfill one divine decree. He did these things in order to report the news, the wrong way. The Cyclone is proud to introduce the one and only, Sam Williams.

Lets face it, adults in general just aren't cool. Any kind; teachers, parents, you name it. But recently they have been attempting to change that reputation. It is a very drastic approach, and no matter how hard they try kids are impervious to their scandals. These desperate measures of incomprehensible madness includes sagging their pants up to their chest and all the way down to belly buttons. Making their own complex handshakes (and forgetting them halfway through) and picking up on street talk. "Yo dawg we uber pwned that kid with that referral!" Although they think that they are winning, students are saying that these ridiculous attempts of trying to be hip have been getting out of hand.

"Parents have just been uncool for too long to start becoming cool now. It's completely impossible for them to pull this off. They just dont have the fashion sense." said cool history aficionado Ryland Portele.

After hearing this fatal prediction, I decided Freshman dont know what they are talking about. And so, completely wiping her comment from my memory, I went to the Cyclone's number one anonymous teacher to ask his opinion. "I honestly don't see how we [adults] aren't cool yet. We grafitti school property, steal cars, and shoot bank tellers in their hands. We even let kids come in with no homework, sometimes. That has to be cool somehow."

Despite the teacher's attempt of making themselves feel better about getting older, I have a strange feeling it is all for nothing. I think John Lennon said it best in his song Imagine. "Imagine all the old people, being really cool". Yes John, imagine that strange alternative for all of us, so we never have to.