Hillcrest Teacher Holds Grudges? You Be the Judge

In a recent confession to her first period class, AP English teacher Dr. McGaffey has openly admitted to having a "Hit List." What this means I am not sure of, but The Cyclone has gained exclusive rights to a document with the details of this list.

Obviously the Hit List (pictured) is rather clear about its intentions. At The Cyclone, we have been speculating why McGaffey would have wanted to put a "hit" on these persons or entities.

1. Kevin Latta- The soccer-playing joker who is possibly one of McGaffeys deepest arch-rivals. Latta has been known to interrupt class regularly with pithy comments on the text and ruin soliloquies with his ironic deliveries, as well as inverting the titles of popular John Milton epics. In response, McGaffey moves him around regularly to prevent him from talking, which only leads to him talking louder, and the rivalry has reached a boiling point.

"Dr. McGoofy," drawled Latta in his typically drawn-out speech pattern during a recent class, "I was just wondering if you think Milton secretly enjoyed writing about the sexual activities of those gods. I think he did."

"Kevin, you're moving," McGaffey replied. "I am about to lose my cool with you."

"Whoa, whoa, chill out, D.R.M.C.G.," said Latta, but McGaffey did not chill out.

"Kevin, I wouldn't mind it if you just left," she said.

"Okay, sweet," he said, and he did.

2. The media- Anything other than English literature can burn.

3. Erik Severson- The Cyclone founder/editor has recently peeved McGaffey to the brim. Due to my nine absences in her first period, D-Mac revealed her "list" to the students as she placed me on it. She then proceeded to read out every single absence I have had. In quote of Jonah Hill, "I'm a senior, they should be suckin' on my [expletive]."

As quoted on the day of my ninth absence, "Erik Severson is on my hit list. He's in real trouble with me and I'm going to make sure he pays," she said with a menacing glare at my empty desk.

Grudge?

4. Albus Dumbledore- The elderly wizard and Dr. McGaffey have had a rough relationship throughout time. After decades of dating the two parted ways, probably due to the fact the long-distance relationship between Hillcrest and Hogwarts wasn't working. In addition to a lover's grudge, Dumbledore is in the book Harry Potter, a much despised piece of writing by McGaffey, who will kill anyone who uses it on the AP Literature exam.

Maybe, just maybe, McGaffey has successfully launched her first attack. Dumbledore is the only person on this list who has actually died. Coincidence? Maybe it wasn't Snape after all...

5. Jake Sherrington- Kevin Latta's counterpart in interruption and anger-causing. By constantly referring to her as "Doctor" and "Miss," Sherrington is a clear candidate for a "hit." She has all of the tell-tale signs of a devious plot against Sherrington. She has even gone so far as to "scuff his kicks."

Sherrington could not be reached for comment, but The Cyclone was lucky enough to recover one of his papers containing his class notes from his English class. It read, "Man, dis lady iz crazy. She don't know wut she be talkin bout. She don't kno me. She don't kno where I be from."

6. Tardies- This "hit" has caused questioning throughout The Cyclone. None of us are quite sure how to kill an idea that doesn't physically exist, but McGaffey seems to have some sort of deeper knowledge of magic that could've possibly been picked up in her time with Dumbledore. She has a blatant hatred of tardiness, and it's only time until they are next.

Dr. McGaffey... more akin to Dr. Frankenstein or Dr. Zhivago? You decide.