CYCLONE NEWS
Jeff Wilke
Biology and AP Environmental Science teacher Mr. Baldridge has recently displayed his disgust at the state of his life in general.
"I am sick of all this [expletive]," Mr. Baldridge was heard saying before a recent 4th period class. "I did not sign on for this. Screw you, Drew, stop talking to me."
Needless to say Mr. Baldridge's students were stunned.
"I can't believe Baldy would just be so rude and callous," junior Drew Vine said. "Usually that's
my job. I think Baldy's having some real personal issues."
Other Hillcrest students agree.
"Yes," said senior Andrew Asay before he was even asked a question. He then shyly giggled and turned away, confirming the Cyclone's suspicions that students are worried about Mr. Baldridge.
Mr. Baldridge is known for his fondness toward the environment, his use of Dr. Seuss children's books rather than scientific
text books, and his pale, deathlike skin that at times is transparent. Recently, however, he has shooed away students and staff alike, leading some to believe that serious plots are afoot.
"I think Baldridge is planning a coup of the school," said one staffer who wished to remain anonymous. "He's always displayed a tendency toward the melodramatic and he'd make a really good evil overlord since he already kind of looks like a zombie."
He has also resorted to threatening his students with such horrific offenses as poo dollars and upper deckers if they don't pass their AP exams.
"He said that we'd go to the zoo," complained senior Avery Bul. "We haven't!"
"Mr. Baldridge [lied and I hate him forever and I wonder if he] is all right," said senior Jenny Davenport.
"I hate Mondays," Mr. Baldridge said when asked for comment. "Go away before I smack you silly."
[At least 5% of this report is true. The names of the classes he teaches are right, at least.]
Jeff Wilke
Biology and AP Environmental Science teacher Mr. Baldridge has recently displayed his disgust at the state of his life in general.
"I am sick of all this [expletive]," Mr. Baldridge was heard saying before a recent 4th period class. "I did not sign on for this. Screw you, Drew, stop talking to me."
Needless to say Mr. Baldridge's students were stunned.
"I can't believe Baldy would just be so rude and callous," junior Drew Vine said. "Usually that's
my job. I think Baldy's having some real personal issues."
Other Hillcrest students agree.
"Yes," said senior Andrew Asay before he was even asked a question. He then shyly giggled and turned away, confirming the Cyclone's suspicions that students are worried about Mr. Baldridge.
Mr. Baldridge is known for his fondness toward the environment, his use of Dr. Seuss children's books rather than scientific
text books, and his pale, deathlike skin that at times is transparent. Recently, however, he has shooed away students and staff alike, leading some to believe that serious plots are afoot."I think Baldridge is planning a coup of the school," said one staffer who wished to remain anonymous. "He's always displayed a tendency toward the melodramatic and he'd make a really good evil overlord since he already kind of looks like a zombie."
He has also resorted to threatening his students with such horrific offenses as poo dollars and upper deckers if they don't pass their AP exams.
"He said that we'd go to the zoo," complained senior Avery Bul. "We haven't!"
"Mr. Baldridge [lied and I hate him forever and I wonder if he] is all right," said senior Jenny Davenport.
"I hate Mondays," Mr. Baldridge said when asked for comment. "Go away before I smack you silly."
[At least 5% of this report is true. The names of the classes he teaches are right, at least.]
I'm totally disgusted by your smear tactics. I know for a fact that Mr. Baldridge loves Mondays. You should be more careful about your assertions. Just the other day I was talking to him and he said "I can't wait for Mondays. I get to mess with the puny minds of those pathetic Hillcrest students." On the other hand he also expressed some empathy. "You've got to feel bad for them, they just don't stand a chance against my superior intellect."
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