The Eyes of Missouri Are Upon You

And they can't help but be in awe.






















Jesus guys, it's the first week of school. Let's calm down a bit.

The Pen > The Sword

Ok, the Hillcrest letters-to-the-editor varsity squad has been flexing it's hand muscles lately, in light of today's events. Team captains Jeff Wilke and Jenny Davenport are MIA.

To Whom It May Concern:

Lori Stahl’s recent article on the merits of Michael Hinojosa’s inclusion in the Hillcrest High School Academic Success Program (ASP) is disgusting. There are very few institutions left that are free from the scrutiny of media these days, and the list grows smaller as the Internet expands, but one area that has long been viewed as untouchable was recently attacked.

Stahl’s article attempts to smear the Superintendent by going after his son.

Just so we’re clear, I’ll repeat that one more time.

Stahl’s article attempts to smear the Superintendent by going after his son.

Let’s clear up a couple things about her article.

One, she failed to adequately characterize the Academic Success Program. Though ASP’s main goal is to help disadvantaged students become first-generation college goers, they go about this by creating a partnership with top students who better understand the importance of college and the work ethic required to get there. The inclusion of students like Michael was a way of furthering the programs goals, not restricting other students from admittance.

It’s no surprise that she fails to fully explain the concepts behind the program because this article isn’t meant to be informative, it’s meant to defame Superintendent Hinojosa.

I am truly appalled that Dallas Morning News allowed this article to run. Not only are there no facts backing Stahl bizarre claim, but the idea of questioning a students worth and abilities in a public forum that can and will be read by most of his peers, family, and future classmates is gut wrenching. I know Michael and there is no one more deserving of a place at Harvard, and suggesting otherwise simply to score some cheap points against his father is horrible.

I don’t know what could possibly ameliorate this situation, but a public apology (similar to the public slander that was this article) would not be out of line.

Thank You

Mattia Flabiano

Hillcrest High School Graduate 2009

That's one by Mattia Flabiano. Next up, me.



Erik Severson does not condone the language used in his letter, unless that is, you have a friend who is publicly slandered by a major newspaper. In that case, shoot for the [explitive]ing moon.

Uh Oh, We Talked About the Fight Club

Back in the day, Hillcrest used to be pretty tame. Sure, there was the occasional evacuation of the school due to multiple fights/riots/rap battles and the ensuing release of mace into the school's ventilation system, but what school doesn't have those occasional slip-ups? It's not like we were South Oak Cliff cage fighters.

But at Hillcrest we're all about constant progress, and occasionally linear regression into Neanderthal-like beings.

Confused? Lie down with an ice cold glass of tea (two sugars, none of that Splenda crap) and let the Cyclone educate you.

AP testing is tough. At the Cyclone we fully understand that. But while your honorable Cyclone narrators may engage in a Pokemon battle or write silly fake news articles to avoid studying blow off steam, other HHS kids have a new tactic: fighting.

According to occasionally reliable sources, there have been, like, 12 or 13 fights this week. And a stabbing.

Suck it, SOC!!!!!

"It's easily explained," said senior Jonathan Wilson. "As president of the Hillcrest Fight Club, we try to encourage positive reinforcement and a good way to vent frustration through our coordinated fights. Obviously, some of our members have taken that a bit too far, which is regrettable. Although I would like to mention that Fight Club members are 7-0-1 against non-FC members, with 4 KOs."



Other students have verified the Fight Club's record.

"I saw one fight where the FC dude just beat the crap out of this lame-o sophomore," said freshman Jesse Degani by phone from his seat in Mr. Baldridge's Environmental Science class. "The sophomore got some good licks in and the judges gave the FC fighter a split decision, but it should've been unanimous. His right jab was phenomenal."

The administration was less enthused about the recent fights.

"I just would like to encourage students not to beat each other silly," said Headmaster Shelton. (Future Headmaster Jones could not be reached at press time.) "And if you do have to beat each other silly, use those silly Roc'Em Soc'Em gloves. Not knives. I would really like to discourage knife usage. And no katanas, either, for anyone who saw Wolverine last Friday."

The fighting spirit has really taken root in the HHS population, though. A record 20 wizard duels are scheduled for tomorrow afternoon on the practice football field.

"My father has taught me some great spells," boasted valedictorian Michael Hinojosa. "I'd say my magic's just about on Dr. McGaffey's level by now."



(Full disclosure: Cyclone writer Jeff Wilke, aka Voldemort, will not be taking part in the dueling tomorrow, as he has tested positive for a banned substance known as HRX [commonly referred to as "horcruxes"].)

This is a developing story, and we will keep you updated. (Tips are appreciated. Email us or just comment.)

The Cyclone would like to remind students that fighting is against HHS policy, and that students could get seriously hurt, or worse - expelled.

On the Recent Rumors...

As some of you may be aware, in the last weeks there have been rumors about my true identity. Naturally, these rumors reached me and disturbed my friends and family.

They would say to me: "Jeff, is this true? Are you really the Darkest wizard Britain has seen in four centuries?"

Or: "But your name isn't even Tom Riddle! There's no possible way you can be He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!"

There were many things I wanted to say. I wanted to say, "Of course not, I'm the Darkest wizard of all time I am no Dark wizard!" or "You're right, there is no possible way that I am connected with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named." But there comes a certain point where it just hurts to lie to others, particularly those close to you... and a certain point where you realize that you're just lying to yourself.

People have always laughed at me and called me names and said, "Dude, you really need to come out of the closet." I never knew what they meant, but now I do, because I realize how obvious my condition has been to everyone. So I am coming out of the closet - the metaphorical closet of villains.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to face the truth.

I am Lord Voldemort.

You may doubt my claims, to which I say - phah, foolish Muggle! But if you want visual proof, just look at this:




Notice the stunning lack of any sort of nose, as already indicated by several commentators, and also the odd, blueish skin tone. Also, as everyone knows, I am possibly more well-versed in magic than anyone in Hillcrest history, other than perhaps Headmaster Shelton. Honestly, I don't know how you guys missed this. I've been busy making Horcruxes since 9th grade. What else am I supposed to do for those 6 hours of waiting after finishing TAKS?

Now that I'm officially out in the open, it's time for the Reign of Terror to begin. You may have noticed some odd occurrences in the past few days, and it's time to put the rumors to rest: yes, I was involved in the hocus pocus and mischief going on at Hillcrest on Tuesday, April 21, 2009. While I may have been in Rhode Island on a "college visit" (in actuality I was scoping out dungeons - the housing crisis has made high-scale dungeons vastly more affordable for first-time buyers like myself), that doesn't mean that I was out of the picture. No, it was I who started that fight: my Death Eaters used some well-placed Confundus charms to trick those girls into fighting, and several other well-placed jinxes made the ensuing riot(s) a cinch.

It's come to my attention that Mohammed Talib's faction has claimed responsibility for this attack on Hillcrest, and to this I say phah! once more. Mohammed Talib is a weakling. Know this, Panthers: I will find you. I will capture you. And I will Crucio you. I have Crucio stats of 240,367,892.

IT HAS BEGUN.

Quote of the Day

"I was scared. Scared that the cops were going to pepper spray us again."

-Unnamed freshman

Most Epic Day Ever

Hoodcrest never seems to disappoint me.



The Cyclone is in the middle of an investigation of this occurrence. We are not through with this.