Live from Providence, RI

Hey kids, your friendly neighborhood Cyclone co-founder here. It's been a while since I last posted, and I just thought I'd check in to see how everyone was doing. And also post because so far the new EICs suck at updating.

You're probably wondering what college life is like, or what the Ivy League is like, or if I've seen Emma Watson. To clear this up, college is awesome, Brown is like the adopted half-cousin of the Ivy League, and my publicist tells me I cannot comment on the latter. So let's just avoid those questions for a while, okay?

Let's get down to business, though, and set aside all this silly talk of the nirvana-like juncture that is college, where there are no parents, no principals... yeah, sorry, just in my happy place right now, I guess. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you. Yes, you. Not you, Philip. Sorry.

I have to say that I was impressed with the debut issue of the Hurricane. To Valerie and Will: good job. To Valirie: sorry I misspelled your name in the last sentence. To Patrick: thank you for not writing another inspirational sports story (I liked your article). To whoever wrote the editorial on the class of 2010 sucking bigtime: nicely played!!!!!

But the fact that the Hurricane is coming on strong means that the Cyclone (are blogs supposed to be italicized?) needs to raise its game. I'm not going to lie, when we came into the blogosphere, we scared the newspaper staffers. They responded. This means war. It's time to get back on the ball and bring HHS its news. We can't depend on the Hurricane making mistakes now that they finally got rid of that lazy Davenport kid. (Just kidding, Jenny!!!! But really.)

I'm going to leave you with a quote, since I have to go. Have fun and be safe, children.

Bluto: Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.

Hillcrest Cyclone: As Popular As Congress

Here at the Cyclone we are, as you all know, political high rollers, as evidenced by our connections to the kingdom of DISD, the administration of Headmaster Shelton, Jeff's mom being in charge of every freaking senior activity and Erik's mom being treasurer for every freaking senior activity and our inside track with both Chairman Asay of the Youth Moral Superiority group and Voldemort. And, of course, our status as the number one subjective news source for all of Hillcrest, although the sports section of the Hurricane comes close on occasion. (Just kidding, Patrick.)

It doesn't hurt that we're rolling in the dough, either. So when Cyclone co-founder Erik Severson and myself were invited to a Democratic party function thanks to the esteemed Friend of the Cyclone Paul Stanley, we figured the Dems were a little strapped for cash and media coverage and could use our help, so we quickly accepted. (Plus it was better than studying for AP Government.)

When we got to the function, we were immediately impressed. This get-together was held at a mansion comparable to Hogwarts, and they had these chocolates that were completely baller. Like the good socialites we schmoozed with Sheriff Lupe Valdez and DA Craig Watkins, just in case we ever do anything illegal and actually get caught this time. We also peer pressured Cyclone guest writer Mattia Flabiano into making a college decision, but the real party started with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi showed up.

When we met her, she pretended like she didn't know us, probably so the other socialites didn't feel jealous of our mad skillz. She was impressed with our college choices - Harvard, Brown, Virginia, Michigan, and in particular, Missouri, which she noted "had good sports." We're assuming she was about to praise Mizzou's academic qualities as well, but someone else went and grabbed her after a group photo and we didn't see her again until she spoke to the group.



So she spoke, and afterward came straight over to us young dudes to talk to us about politics, life, and the like. (This part isn't even a lie!) We pressed her on her views of the Cyclone.

JEFF: So I imagine you could use some good media coverage.
PELOSI: Haha, the media is always very interesting. They've got a difficult job.
ERIK: And some do it better than others. Like us. You've heard of the Hillcrest Cyclone, I assume.
PELOSI: ...perhaps, but it's slipping my mind at the moment.
ERIK: No matter. We're more of an underground news source. However, we're still very successful, if you understand where I'm going.
PELOSI: ...
JEFF: What we're saying is that we've got money. And prestige. We can get you some good coverage, and donate to the party using some PACs and 527s, which we learned about in Government.
ERIK: All we're asking for is a personal endorsement of the Cyclone. We'd like to be congressionally approved.
PELOSI: Um, that's very nice, boys. You're very smart young men, it seems, and Brown is a good school. And Missouri has good sports. Oh, what about you? *points to Michael Hinojosa*
MICHAEL: Nancy Pelosi. My father has told me all about you, of course.

End conversation.

So, as you can tell, it's official: THE HILLCREST CYCLONE IS APPROVED BY CONGRESS.

Which probably isn't saying much at the moment, but suck it, other DISD underground satire blogs! SUCK IT.

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More Photos of Us Schmoozing