Add "moral" to that list.
"I just am so pleased to announce that for the first time in the history of high school proms, a high school - Hillcrest itself! - has held a prom night during which no one got wasted!" enthused Hillcrest Youth Moral Superiority chairman Andrew Asay in a recent statement. (Here Asay giggles.) "And no one got laid!"
Unfortunately for the male population, at least one of those charges might hold true.
"Unwilling abstinence is still abstinence," Asay later clarified.
The veracity of Chairman Asay's claims is uncertain, although many seniors did comment on the unusual prom afterparties. While prom is usually famous for its fun-filled late-night activities of dubious (at best) legality, most parties this year seemed to focus on board games, watching parties of The Chronicles of Narnia and Passion of the Christ, and group Bible sessions.
"It was really uncomfortable for me personally and religiously," said senior Josh Fein, cofounder of the popular Facebook group, Jewish GANGSTAS! "Hey, do you want to hear a Jew joke?"
After avoiding one of Fein's infamous degrading jokes, the Cyclone returned to Chairman Asay for further comments.
"Really, I think we all needed to reaffirm our belief in God after those god-awful (pun intended) karaoke performances," Asay said. "I organized this so that people would know that there's hope at the end of the tunnel. So that people would know what college is like. College is one big youth Bible group study session. At least that's what I've been told."
Rumors abound that Young Atheist Club President Michael Hinojosa plans to sue HHS for violations of the establishment clause of the Constitution, but that could just be me showing off that knowledge I put to work today on the US Gov AP test.
Andrew is Mormon...
ReplyDeleteChurch of LDS is a sect of Christianity.
ReplyDeleteGetyourfactsstraight just got jocked
ReplyDeleteMormonism denies the central parts of Christian belief. Christians believe in the Bible's scriptures, however Mormonism contradicts many parts of the foundations of Christian beliefs. According to the scriptures, Jesus was not a creation, he was the flesh and bone of God. There is only one God in the Christian belief, not three. I will admit that this is up for interpretation, and what you believe is up to the interpreters own values, but then again you have none, Young Atheist Club President.
ReplyDeleteJosh Fein does make fun of himself to try to get others to laugh... Jews cant make Jew jokes Josh.
ReplyDeleteWould like to point out that the word "Mormon" was not used in this story, and we did not mention Andrew Asay's religious beliefs.
ReplyDeleteWell they follow the teachings of Christ... So what do you call that.
ReplyDeleteRegardless, it's all bullshit.
yes..indeed
ReplyDeletehowever, what about the jewish dentist from seinfeld? exactly, or adam sandler? sarah silverman? or what about andy samberg?
jews rule, ur just jealous
I love Adam Sandler, Sarah Silverman,and Andy Samberg.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, Jews for Josh...Jews are a comedic relief.
I thoroughly enjoyed this story. I myself am Mormon. GetYourFactsStraight got his facts twisted, but the misconceptions will never change. Christian chairman Asay is my hero!
ReplyDelete