Developing Story: Swine Flu Is Officially Mean-Spirited

While several believed him dead, our old pal and resident criminal mastermind Swine Flu is on the loose again, causing Joker-level chaos. UIL has recently announced it is suspending Texas high school sports until May 11.

Excuse me while I bash my head into a wall and burst into tears.


Pictured above: That [expletive] Swine Flu, even more nefarious than we first imagined.

How Swine Flu is carrying out this crime spree is somewhat of a mystery, since as we all know our very own Erik "Boom-Boom" Severson killed the supervillain. Possibly Swine Flu faked his own death; possibly he, like the Joker in Batman comics, never dies for some strange reason. Unless Tamiflu is involved.

"As an analytic therapist, what I saw with Mr. Flu was that most of his anger towards high school sports probably came from the fact that he could never climb the rope in gym class," said Severson.

As we all know, this only delays the baseball team's inevitable destruction of all foes. But it's still annoying. Here's hoping AP tests don't get cancelled/postponed, because then everyone will weep.

But seriously, folks, take caution with swine flu and review steps you can take to help keep yourself and others safe. I'm going to go cry now.

From Erik: If you enjoy Swine Flu, geography, and tracing epidemics, this is for you.