The Cyclone Introduces Swine Flu to Hillcrest

Recently, The Cyclone got to sit down with one of the more popular celebrities of the past couple days. I'm of course talking about the infamous Swine Flu. In The Cyclone's exclusive interview with the misunderstood disease, Mr. S. Flu tells us the tale of how he has been portrayed in the wrong light, and how he's trying to make amends with our people. The interview we scheduled ended up in a sad (or possibly happy) ending for the people of the world.

Of course before reading this you must know that when you become a member of The Cyclone, you automatically become immune to all diseases. Except for scurvy.

Here is how the interview went:

Erik: So Mr. Swine Flu, how did this all begin?
Swine Flu: Bad judgement on my part. One person led to another, and soon I'm becoming a worldwide occurrence. You could say I've built up most of the anger in my life from a iffy relationship with mom and pop. See, my mother was the flu and my father was an actual pig, so when my father mutated my mother, and in turn, my mother killed my father, things around the house became a little rough.

E: But why us?
SF: You know, I can't really answer that question. I have an incurable desire to party, and you know, I just go where the wind takes me. Spring Break in Mexico got a little out of control, and I ended up making a few decisions I now regret, and somehow I ended up in the US.

E: Recently, the Secretary of the Department Homeland Security declared a public health emergency in the United States. Aren't you panicking that the feds might be on your tail?
SF: You know, part of me wants to get caught. I'm sick (no pun intended) of hurting people. What nobody knows is I'm a nice fellow. I just am made of viruses that can kill you. Ain't no thang.

Swine Flu pictured above, wearing Indiana Jones costume

E: What are your plans for North Texas?
SF: That's a great question. I'm currently looking for an apartment on the street Wedd Chappel but I can't seem to find where that might be. Who knows, I probably won't even stay in the US much longer. I'm not sure that I like it here.

E: How can you look yourself in the mirror?
At this stage in our conversation, Mr. Flu began to get very emotional. He began letting out viral sobs.
SF: You know what, I don't need this Hillcrest Cyclone. You don't know me! You don't know the pressure I'm under! I [expletive] hate this [expletive] and can't do this anymore!

Swine Flu then stormed out of the room, leaving nothing but a trail of nothing. But I was not through with him; I would get the story I needed wanted.

I followed Mr. Flu to a dark, dark corridor inside of a dark, dark building. He was troublesome to follow because he is practically invisible when not wearing his formal suit. It was then that I saw one of the most horrid events these eyes have ever seen. The bathtub was filled with water. And bang. Right then and there, Swine Flu killed himself. Did the celebrity status rush to his head? Did his spotty past catch up with him? Was I responsible?

The answers are no, no, yes. I killed Swine Flu, technically, and I will take full credit for saving not only our school, but the world as well. You're welcome world. Hillcrest Hurricane editor-in-chief Jenny Davenport has agreed to build The Cyclone a gigantic bronze statue in order to celebrate the event.

But in all seriousness, Swine Flu could have friends so:

--Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.

--Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hands cleaners are also effective.

--Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread that way.

--And whatever you do, do not come in contact with Voldemort or Mohammed Talib. (No word yet on whether swine flue affects werewolves.)